I was told recently by someone that he tolerates me, and I wondered what that meant in relation to what I believe about tolerance and acceptance. I also wondered how intense his dislike was for me, and at what point that dislike would turn into intolerance. Since there appeared to be a bunch of conditions put on the communication between us and I felt there was no way forward in defining the difference in disliking me or what I do, say, think or believe, so it remained unqualified.
I felt a bit of a chuckle coming up but managed to resolve my confusion by accepting that his tolerance was toward me personally including what I represent in my beliefs and what I teach, train, coach, and influence, others in, not because I am blonde, female or Christian… that’s a relief.
Then going forward, if I did not mention anything related to this I would continue to be tolerated. An interesting status quo to say the least. Although I admire the courage it took for him to tell me all this, I was interested to see how far it would go before a realisation of non-acceptance would lead to acceptance. On my part it was exceedingly difficult to hear that deep down under all the pretenses of friendship for many years, there was a dislike for me this deep. This in most cases a point where it is wise to leave the relationship and move on. But as easy as it is to do so, its different when it is family.
It is extremely easy for me to accept what I’ve been told, but I’m left still wondering what part of what I believe, think or do will continue to corrupt the relationship. This is a huge responsibility on me.
But then, is being tolerated by someone easy to live with. No, it is not when knowing that acceptance solves the issue completely. So, what to do about it. Do I go seeking acceptance and risk being misunderstood? Hope that what I say or ask would not offend? Just discuss the weather and the social environment? Try to avoid what might seem to be the wrong thing? Yes, that would work I am sure but, is it good enough?
The reason I harp on the subject is because there is a great difference in tolerance and acceptance.
So I search my heart (mind) “as man thinks so is he…”
Tolerance is defined as “a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one’s own; freedom from bigotry”. “the capacity to endure diversity in all it’s forms. To put up with diversity. A state of suffering.
Acceptance is defined as “favorable reception; approval; favour,” “The capacity to be open to accept diversity in all it’s forms. A state of love and awareness.
Learning to accept what is, is power beyond our understanding but is within everyone’s reach. Saying yes to acceptance of ones self and knowing who we really are is the first step to the awareness of the love that exists in us to accept diversity in all it’s forms. Oh for the love of God.